Friday, March 28, 2008



Bill Plaschke hasn't written a Dodger article here for a while, so I thought I would shoot him an email why...

"We haven't heard much from you lately concerning the Dodgers. What's going on? I need some material here so I can rip on you some more. How's that Juan Pierre support club treating you?

He wrote me back!!!

"hang in there, dusto...(dusto??)...I will be a bulls-eye again next week when season opens.."

I responded with...


There are a few guys on our blog (PSD) that support Juan Pierre. We thought you might be participating at our blog. If you didn't recognize my handle (Dusto) then you likely aren't "blogging" at PSD. Though it is possible that you are just incognito... "

I wouldn't doubt that when Andre gets the starting job he'll praise the team and difficult decision to "play the better player" without saying much about Pierre. Then he'll emotionally praise Ethier and give a huge background about the kid clawing his way through the minor leagues just to get blocked last year by Gonzo and now this year by Pierre. No doubt he'd include Andre's good looks and "heart throb" appearance and get all sappy about the kids future.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Episode: 2

This second episode features a new challenge to the players.

A challenge many of them have likely never encountered.

A feat so difficult, the probability that some will not only go home, but go home with a right buttox inflamation is a likely possibility.

We are live on location here just outside the Right Field Pavilion at Dodger Stadium. Frank McCourt has generously donated a 35 million dollar, 6 million gallon water tank to hold today competitions. In those tanks are man eating sharks!

The players are separated into teams based on age. The over 30 group is one team. The under 30; the other group.

Our feature challenge this week is the mini-basketball/ home run derby/ swim for your life through shark infested water that has been lit on fire/ challenge.

The first portion of the challenge is difficult enough in its own right. Players have to be able to hit a mini-basketball a minimum of 100 feet while standing in a canoe.

After successfully hitting the minimum required distance of 100 feet the challenger must then swim the 360 feet circling the bases in shark infested water that has been lit on fire while dodging fastballs thrown by Clayton Kershaw!

If the player survives, he does it all over again until he is out or dead.

For every run scored, your team earns the right to vote another player "Out of the Ravine". The player with the most runs will earn a miniature of the miniature silver slugger award and IMMUNITY.

Batting leadoff for the "Old Cranky Fart Knockers", which is the over 30 group, is Juan Pierre.

Juan's small size and even smaller build should help him here to keep good balance while swinging in the canoe. It should also dispell the sharks seeing as he has no muscle or fat on his body at all. Infact I have a feeling he's missing bones in some areas. That should help him here. Bones really get in the way when you're trying to hit mini-basketballs for homeruns and swim through shark infested waters that have been lit on fire.

The real trick will be dodging those fastball by Clayton Kershaw. The young man has pinpoint accuracy and throws harder than anyone else in the game.

The great lack of power that will likely save Juan's life from the sharks will also keep him from being able to hit past the designated 100 feet.

Pitching in today's matchup is Larry Bowa.

As Juan takes his stance in the canoe, Larry tosses a mini- ball in his direction. Juan gently slaps the ball the other way and Larry immediately gets on his case.

"Hit the ball Frenchy!!! Like you mean it!!!"

As the second pitch arrives Juan swings with all his might...

and misses.

And falls in the water....

He quickly climbs back in the canoe, but not before Kershaw beans him in the groin.

Juan quickly shakes it off as that is the one bone he is missing.

Larry against shouts instruction to Juan. "Hey Frenchy! Try hitting it this time!!!", and giggles to himself.

Juan grips the bat.

Grinds his teeth.

And spits out a little bit of sea weed, and it lands on his jersey.

While he is cleaning it off, the pitch is thrown and he jumps up hit it.

The canoe rocks left...

Then right...

The momentum carries him to the ball in full force.

He connects and whails like a school girl.

Juan Dives into the water, dodging a heater from Kershaw.

Players from both teams stand in amazement as they watch the tiny Pierre avoid sharks, fastballs, and fire.

When he makes it to first base, he surfaces for air. But he must continue. No points are awarded for singles.

Down he goes, swiming past the sharks, under the fire, dodging fastballs by Kershaw.

He stops at second but just for a moment to catch his breath.

He pushes on to third, unnoticed by the sharks.

Instead of stopping at third he turns the corner and heads for home.

He stops midway between third and home to catch his breath, but only for a moment as a Clayton Kershaw fastball is aimed right at his head.

The ball connects and he panicks.

(the following events are quite graphic, viewer discression is advised)

In slow motion, mouths drop.

Russel Martin grins.

Brad Penny looks in shock.

Raffy Furcal throws both hands up in the air and laughs evily.

Andruw Jones drops all 8 hot dogs he's eating.

Juan is knocked unconscious, floating at the top of the water. His body is beginning to burn from the fire.

The sharks have heard his yelp.

They surround his lifeless body like... sharks... in a 6 million gallon pool, ready to pounce.

Juan awakes just before the first shark arrives. He begins to flail and dives under the water to put out the fire on his chest. His wounds are minor. But his fear is obvious.

He encounters the first shark with a quick slap on the nose. The shark looks perplexed and attacks.

Pierre swims for his life. To his incredible luck he is heading directly at home plate.

His paddling is quick and short, but it is no match for the shark. As he touches home plate to score a run, he is gobbled up and torn to pieces by 7 different sharks.

Furcal makes a call on his cell phone.

On the other end is Frank McCourt.

Raffy- "Hey, Frank. I have good news and bad news. Well, the bad news is that we lost today's challenge."

Frank- "Well, what's the good news?"

Raffy- "There's alot. You know that shark tank that you paid 35 million for. Well, it just paid for itself. And you no longer have to worry about trading Pierre. Turns out he was "shark bait". HAHA!!"

When the competition concluded it was apparent that the challenge may have been a bit "overboard".

The teams gather together and decide that losing Pierre was a necessary thing for the betterment of the team as a whole.

Jeff Kent secretly kisses the photo of Frenchy he keeps in his hat and says, "I'll miss you... my love"... he sniffles... snorts... and collapses.